To Die : To Sleep

by Monarcadia

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03:24
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07:55
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02:06
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02:10
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03:40
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04:32
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credits

released February 23, 2016

All music and lyrics written, performed, recorded, and produced by Monarcadia (Alaric W. Lopez)

Recorded on my iPhone using 4Track and iOS Garageband. As always, I do not use DAWs for the construction of any sounds; my use of Garageband was merely for the purpose of recording what I had already constructed through a combination of sampler (loaded with sounds I've made from scratch), guitar, vocals, effects pedals, and anything else nearby that produces sound. I stubbornly make my own sounds and then build songs from them.

Anything labelled "Voice Memo" was 100% improvised at the time of recording. For more information about my ongoing Voice Memo project, please see the album "Voice Memo: Oversexed" here: monarcadia.bandcamp.com/album/voice-memo-oversexed

A version of myself commits suicide with this album.
I do not know when Monarcadia will return, if at all.

}:¥:{


"To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life."

-Hamlet (Act III, Scene I)

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Track Name: LITTLE // BOY
False start:
broken heart.
Little boy
dismembered by love.
What could
anyone do?

Can't breathe.
Help me.
Wanna die.
Killed by love.
Gotta try
to get by love.

Can't sleep.
Cheshire teeth.
Memory
haunts me.
Not alone
when I'm alone.

Uncomfortable
with being loved
Wanna try
more than get by, love.
How many times
have we said goodbye, love?

========
========

Uncomfortable
with being loved now.
Little boy
dismembered by love.

Can't sleep.
Can't breathe.
Memory
haunts me.
Not alone
when I'm alone.

Wanna try?
Wanna die, love?
Gettin' by.
Goodbye love.
Goodbye.
I'm gettin' by love.
Gettin' by.
Goodbye, love.
Track Name: Voice Memo: The Way of Waves
[glossolalia]

Can you conquer the waves?
Can you conquer the waves?
Can you conquer?

Can you see the waves?
Track Name: Dream Woman
Dream Woman...
Dream Lady...

You're
the wealth of love, fictional miracle.
I've found
monomania sells in song.

Dreams
can remind us that we're all alone;
although, I
never want to return to the dawn.

Dream Woman...
Dream Lady...

Come on,
we brooding lovers know you've got to go,
but we still hold on:
mad beggars until we die.

So long.
Where you go from here on I don't know,
but I know
we'll be better without your laws.

We don't ever give up on our side.
We don't want to be taken by your nothingness.
Go ahead and give up on my side,
'cause you can't take away my art,
Heart....

No wonder you're dead inside:
we have filled you with our loneliness.
Now your marble head is trite,
you can't take away my nothing.

Dream Woman...
Dream Lady...

You can't take away my heart.
Track Name: Sophy Dervy
(Days are gone.)

Carry me off, another lover.
Carry me off, another lover
Sophy Dervy.
Track Name: Voice Memo: >cut---off<
Another lover....

[glossolalia]

Tonight....
Save a love
a love I love tonight.
Track Name: Voice Memo: Green/Blue
Who came
with the mountain of love?
With the mountain of love?

I don't want to hear another.
I don't want to listen.
I want you back.
I want you back.
Do you too, back?
Well I don't.
No I don't.

Tell me
what color do you see?
Tell me
what color do you see?

Is it blue?
Is it green?
Is it green?

I don't agree.
I don't agree.
Track Name: Why Do I (Without You)?
(Why?)

Feel like dying.
Will you love me again?
Got a knack for ending up in these metaphors.

Why do I try
to live without you there?
Living on the edge of oblivion.

Wandering 'round
(in my mind)
wondering whether
I'll die
without you.

Wandering 'round
(in my mind)
wondering whether
I'll die
without you.

I don't wanna love you.
Would you even care?

And when I cry
will you hold me dear?
Have a feeling you'd throw me in the gutter.

When I'm alone
(in my mind)
feel like I want
to die
without you.

When I'm alone
(in my mind)
feel like I want
to die
without you.

Wandering 'round
(in my mind)
wondering whether
I'll die
without you.
Track Name: My #Heart
You love someone
who wants the bad for you.
You love someone
who wants the bad for you.

And I love you too.
I love you too.
Do you know where?
And I love you too.
I love you too.
Do you know when?

Please come back to me
I love you so.
It's cliché to say
but I'll say it anyway:
I love you so.

I love you so.

It's been years since you
loved me like him.
I want you to
dissolve into my skin.
I'm in love so I
wrote a bad song.

I walk around the town,
and I hate myself
when you're not around.
I bought a few things
but they didn't help.
I left my heart with you.
I left my heart with you.
I want it back.
I want it back from you.
Track Name: Re: Daydreamers Anonymous
Sun shining
through my bedroom cave of daily escape.
She's smiling
and now my wings are broken, left to fade
in these nightmarish wet dreams--a face
that haunts my pretty daze.
I can't sleep; my lungs are failing
waiting for you to say,

"I'm dreaming of beautiful things.
I'm not scared of a diamond ring.
I can live with my feelings of love
and stuff the pop songs sing of,"

'cause I keep dreaming of you and me,
I keep sweating, and I can't sleep.
Tell me you love me and please don't leave
your light on where the fiends can see you.
Let me sleep and never see you now.

Facebook stalk
to pretend we shared a memory.
You may want
another hit of fiction for your brain,
My back hurts: I'm coughing
from all the re-hashed analogies.
I wonder what it means
that we all have got a craving for someone to say,

"I'm dreaming of beautiful things.
I'm not scared of a diamond ring.
I can live with my feelings of love
and stuff the pop songs sing of."

I'm so loving I'm going cliché.
Pop metaphor is the only way.
Someone recycle me, throw me away.
I wonder: can you medicate me?

Who would want to medicate
someone with love,
when love's a so-called "drug,"
a line abused in songs?
I think it means that we're all lonely,
lonely addicts.

I keep dreaming of beautiful things.
I am scared of a diamond ring.
I can't live with my feelings of love
and stuff the pop songs sing of.

I keep dreaming of you and me.
I keep sweating and I can't sleep.
Tell me you love me and please don't leave
your light on where the fiends can see you.
Let me sleep and never see you
'cause I'm so loving I'm going cliché.
Pop metaphor is the only way.
Someone recycle me, throw me away.

I wonder: can you medicate me?
Who would want to medicate me?
Who would want to medicate me?
You wouldn't want to medicate me.

I don't want to dream anymore.
No, I don't want to dream about you.
Track Name: 4our5elves
Where you going tomorrow?
Where you going today?
Where you go tomorrow?
Where you going today?

I said I bottled up a message
[glossolalia]

You said tomorrow it's safe.
I go away for an hour.
You said you'd consider every option.
I don't know what to choose.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.

We don't care about nothing else
except for ourselves.
Anyone with a purpose trying to change us will.

Please stay here
and dream with us
for an hour.
We don't care about nothing else.
Track Name: Several Hundred Miles
They're so far away.

[Improvised variations of "Do you wanna go out?" "Do you wanna?" "Do you wanna go outside?" "Do you?" "Go out." "Go outside." "Go outside?" Do you wanna go?" "Wanna go out?" "Wanna go outside?" etc.]

They're so far away.
Track Name: A Little Now for Later (live)
[glossolalia]